Clever people master life; the wise illuminate it and create fresh difficulties.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
You can’t be late until you show up.
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
How clever you are, my dear! You never mean a single word you say.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven’t sent one out.
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay..so if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.
Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.
It’s good to be clever, but not to show it.
God is clever, but not dishonest.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
Clever men are good, but they are not the best.
Clever people will recognize and tolerate nothing but cleverness.
A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at.
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As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public school.
taste the rainbow…..eat crayons!!!!
taste the rainbow…..eat crayons!!!
I don’t remember everything I HAVE read but I do remember everything that IS red.
cornpop, you messed up one of my favorites. It’s:
He who stands on *toilet* is high on pot.
But the most profound statement of all is:
“I can’t believe it’s not butter!”
If you have a house on both sides of the fence you’re bound to have green grass
-The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat
-Expierence is the worst teacher, it gives the test before giving the lesson.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
Knowledge is power. Power is strong. Garlic is strong. Ergo, knowledge is garlic.
It dose not matter if the question is wrong, as long as the answer is right; if you want sense make it yourself.
he who stands on pot; high on pot
Fools are always in the line of fire. The wise will avoid the line altogether.
no gods believe in yourself
If the grass is greener on the other side, turn on your sprinkler!
love is the name,s*x is th game,forget the name and play the game!
love is the only thing that can pull you out of hell
if you ask questions your bound to hear lies
worth little more than a fourth part of the corn which they were formerly trade. This bullion, as it circulates among different commercial
Memory is a reminder of what you’ll never have again.
On the other hand you have different fingers.
you just call me a bitch?!
well..
a bitch is a dog
a dog barks
bark belongs to a tree
a tree belongs to nature
and nature is beautiful
so
thanks for the compliment
Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
When you mess up,another person messes up with you so dont be down.
People make mistakes all the time, unfortunately you were one of them.
Is common sense really common?