Funny Sayings and Quotes

Posted on October 9th, 2007

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
- George Carlin

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
- Robin Williams

A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
- Woody Allen

Sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
- Woody Allen

We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.
- George Bush

A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
- Burt Bacharach

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
- Mark Twain

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- Gabor

ARCHITECT is One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
- Ambrose Bierce

I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
- Anonymous

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
- Roseanne

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
- Anonymous

Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
- Gary Busey

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Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. 
- Albert Einstein
Golf is a good walk spoiled. 
- Mark Twain
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. 
- George Carlin
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. 
- Robin Williams
A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections. 
- George Eliot
I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own. 
- Woody Allen
Sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing. 
- Woody Allen
We need an energy bill that encourages consumption. 
- George Bush
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of. 
- Burt Bacharach
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. 
- Abraham Lincoln
If you can’t convince them, confuse them. 
- Harry S. Truman
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. 
- Mark Twain
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 
- George Burns
I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. 
- Gabor
ARCHITECT is One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. 
- Ambrose Bierce
I either Get what I want or I change my mind. 
- Anonymous
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. 
- Roseanne
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 
- George Burns
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely. 
- Anonymous
Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy. 
- Gary Busey
from <a href="http://sayings.funnyjunkz.com/funny-quotes-and-sayings/">Funny Sayings and Quotes</a>

40 Responses to “Funny Sayings and Quotes”

georiga Demour, on December 28th, 2007 at 4:19 pm Said:

it suck like butt fudge.
Lauren-ashley Reimer, on January 30th, 2008 at 7:29 am Said:

Don’t drink and drive, cause you might hit a bump and spill
ahah
Lauren-ashley Reimer, on January 30th, 2008 at 7:37 am Said:

your just jealous because the voices only talk to me
not funny at all
sucks muchly
some1, on February 1st, 2008 at 8:38 pm Said:

If u try to fail and succeed which have u done
Deepak mankani, on February 4th, 2008 at 10:15 pm Said:

“”…when i was born, i was so surprised that i didnt talk for a year and a half….”
John, on February 8th, 2008 at 10:36 am Said:

so funny i forgot to laugh
Daniel Banana, on February 11th, 2008 at 6:44 pm Said:

Strangers have the best candy….
eli, on February 12th, 2008 at 10:13 am Said:

ACHOO!
sorry, im allergic to BULLSH*T
nicola, on February 14th, 2008 at 3:54 pm Said:

dont follow my footsteps i walk into walls
Robert Jackson, on February 14th, 2008 at 4:43 pm Said:

When the shit hits the fan,stand underneith with a bucket and try to catch it,and then throw it back towards the shit hiters!
Rainey, on February 16th, 2008 at 4:26 am Said:

Is it rong to be strong??
Brit H., on February 17th, 2008 at 4:55 pm Said:

1. say the word PIG before each word.
pigs
about
talking
idiot
this
got
i
long
how
look

2. now say PIG before and after the words.

3. finally, read the words starting from the bottom.

haha gotcha! XP
kayla green, on February 21st, 2008 at 10:39 am Said:

these are so cute
Annabanana, on February 21st, 2008 at 3:42 pm Said:

I raised my hand…….my teacher called on me…….so i said…….ummmahhhhoooooooaaaaaa………ahhhh that felt good… teacher wait hold ahh I need toliet paper please!
me, on February 29th, 2008 at 4:47 pm Said:

If your parents never had children, chances are you wont either…

You join the army, go interesting places, meet interesting people, and then… you kill them.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m a schizophrenic
And so am I
~What about Bob

When I see a hardcore computer geek, I really want to say, “Go outside, the graphics are great!”

Dying hurts….
Somebody From LlamaVille, on March 8th, 2008 at 2:30 pm Said:

heeey people.
here’s one that is very funny.

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you are all stupid and jeneva rocks
Christine, on March 13th, 2008 at 5:01 pm Said:

If Barbie is so popular why do we have to buy her friends?
I couldn’t fix your brakes so I made your horn loudey!
E.RickeY ... CA, deee, on March 13th, 2008 at 8:43 pm Said:

Why do you call me an Old Fart
you Fart…
I don’t call you a Young Fart???
Tasha..., on March 14th, 2008 at 1:37 pm Said:

if your afraid open your eyes your in the cupboard love not outside (BASICALLY THEY THINK ITS DARK OUTSIED WHEN ACYTUALLTY THERE IN A CUPBOARD)hahaha!!! BOB!!!
P r i n c e s s, on March 15th, 2008 at 8:26 pm Said:

i like it. :] it’s a hahaha.
suzan may, on March 22nd, 2008 at 9:26 pm Said:

Don’t drink water, fish have S*X in it.
LUCIII, on March 24th, 2008 at 9:04 pm Said:

Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say “are you gonna drink that?”

Im a nobody.. nobodys perfect.. therefore IM PERFECT!!!

I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!!

Ｌifes not short its the longest bloody ｔｈing ｙｏｕll ever do!!!!

I would stop eating chocolate.. but I’m not a quitter!
You_Are_Retarded, on March 25th, 2008 at 2:31 am Said:

I lay in bed one night staring at the stars when i sudden thought occured to me..

Where the f**k is the ceiling?!
Rudy Shand, on March 26th, 2008 at 5:25 pm Said:

If love was blind, how come it only finds the pretty ones?
demi, on March 29th, 2008 at 2:24 pm Said:

dnt hate me cause am fit hate me cause i shaged your boy friend
Mike, on March 30th, 2008 at 7:38 pm Said:

It may be the early bird that gets the worm. But it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese.
RAcHAeL, on March 31st, 2008 at 12:40 pm Said:

one tequila
two tequila
three tequila
floor.
RAcHAeL, on March 31st, 2008 at 12:41 pm Said:

dont tell me the sky’s the limit when theres footprints on t he moon.
Pedro Correa, on April 1st, 2008 at 9:42 am Said:

Some ppl say the glass is half empty, some say its half full. I just wanna know who the F**K has been drinking my beer

WAIT A MIN MAN, i didnt f**k your girlfriend, she was ontop

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, check if there r alot of pictures
mee, on April 3rd, 2008 at 3:23 pm Said:

she says broccoli
he says carrot
she says lettuce
i say CUMBERCUBE!
cheyenne, on April 4th, 2008 at 4:22 pm Said:

Im a we todd sofa king we todded
READ OUT LOUD FAST
lalalalala, on April 5th, 2008 at 11:40 am Said:

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

It’s not r*pe! It’s just an unexpected s*x you didn’t know you wanted. XD
C J, on April 5th, 2008 at 10:42 pm Said:

Life is short, but you d*ck is shorter
Renaye, on April 7th, 2008 at 8:05 pm Said:

ur one bout rape is wrong….

its onli rape for the first 5 minutes coz after that u start to enjoy it!!!!!!!!!
M3L0Nii3, on April 8th, 2008 at 4:53 pm Said:

The ground broke my fall…

My imaginary friend says you have issues

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

I’m not drunk, i’m just naturally clumsy, stupid, and bad at driving

when everythings coming your way, your in the wrong f*cking lane!

Help i’ve fallen and I can’t…. hey! NICE carpet!

For sale: parchute, only used once, never opened, small stain

Evening news is where they say “Good Evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years
telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Tascha, on April 13th, 2008 at 2:21 pm Said:

4 my next trick i will need a c*ndom and a volunteer

shit happens… bt mostly 2 me so dont worry

98% of teens r bringin sexy back… but im the 2% that sexy neva left!

YOUR MUM! oohh would u like some ice 4 that burn?

lol jst thought id share em wiv ya
SaraH~~~, on April 20th, 2008 at 9:27 pm Said:

I LUV BRADEN ( if u read this braden it wasnt me it was my cat)
Zuri Coley, on April 22nd, 2008 at 12:28 pm Said:

ITS NOT RAPE IF YOU YELL SURPRISE!!
B.J, on May 12th, 2008 at 2:11 am Said:

i’m like a parking ticket i have FINE written all over me!!
B.J, on May 12th, 2008 at 2:12 am Said:

Is that your face or has your ass been misplaced

Funny

SAYINGS and QUOTES