Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
- George Carlin
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
- Robin Williams
A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on [...]

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156 Responses to “Funny Quotes”

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  1. 120
    Icy Says:

    Better to burp and taste it, then fart and waste it…..

  2. 119
    megara Says:

    Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critisize them , your a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.

    When I die, I want to go peacfully like my grandfather did, in his sleep-not screaming…like the passengers in his car.

  3. 118
    Punya Says:

    All those who proclaim that dog is man’s best friend, have evidently not played with a pu$$y!

  4. 117
    stuart Says:

    whats mine is mine and whats yours is also mine

  5. 116
    OR1G1NAL1TY Says:

    It’s better to fart and feel the shame, then not to fart and feel the pain.

  6. 115
    kristeen Says:

    bob stole my cookie,
    i killed bob,
    i stuffed him with steak
    and fed him to him to his dogs

  7. 114
    nun yo Says:

    WIERD!… what did one math book say 2 another?…….. ANS: I dunno ’bout you but I have a lot of problems!….. how dumb is that!? lol… lmao!

  8. 113
    floo Says:

    whoever said nothings impossible obviously never tried to nail jelly to a tree

  9. 112
    cnc Says:

    being smart makes you look smarter only when you arent

  10. 111
    Brandon Trocke Says:

    What inspired me to have s*x with you was the crack that i was on.!

  11. 110
    tabatha Says:

    oppisets really do arract but sometimes to the wrong thing

  12. 109
    Kory Says:

    if all else fails call in an airstrike

  13. 108
    fruitloops Says:

    lol
    You are so stupid that you threw a rock at the ground and missed!

  14. 107
    naydie Says:

    no one dies a virgin….. life screws us all

  15. 106
    guitarshredder Says:

    Life’s a bi*ch and then you die…so f**k the world and lets get high!

  16. 105
    lord milk Says:

    haha funny stuff msn bahaha i like the ” dont hit kids! seriously they have guns now!” one haha awesome

  17. 104
    Craig Says:

    “To do is to be”- Socrates
    ‘To be is to do”- Plato
    “Do be do be do”- Frank Sinatara

  18. 103
    guitarshredder Says:

    Don’t Like My Attitude? Try Calling 0-800-KISS-MY-A#S!

  19. 102
    alexis Says:

    i love the one that says When life hands you lemons, throw ‘em back and ask for chocolate! its so funny

  20. 101
    DA bomb..b jelous Says:

    i didnt say u did anything…i said u were getting the blame

    blasting music trying to wake the neighbors … if i dnt answer its bc they called the cops

    peace love and… SPONGEBOB!

    O THERE U ARE PETER! -HOOK-

    1. i am the bomb
    2. i am the bomb
    3. i am the bomb

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